On My Own

Shhhh.

Listen.

Do you hear that?



Me neither. It's oddly quiet. I hear only the hum of my lap top and the gurgling of the hotel coffee maker. I'm alone, on my own, in a hotel room in Arizona.



I'm currently on day four of a five day trip that I'm taking by myself. Yes, DH and the kids are at home. I'm not entirely sure who the boss is back at the homestead but I can confidently note that it's not me. I'm hundreds of miles away in an entirely different state. I have no influence on the nutritional value of the 5 year old's lunch or whether or not the nearly 2 yr old girl consumes a two week old Cheerio that she finds under the couch.



It's pure heaven!
Or is it?



When at home and in the midst of battles over all things parenting I find myself longing for some time away, for a break. Yes, while in the trenches the very thought of spending some time alone in a hotel room seems like only a dream. Now that I'm experiencing it I find myself longing for chaos.



Don't get me wrong, climbing into a perfectly appointed bed without worrying about the potential for DH's snoring was wonderful. Taking a long, hot, uninterrupted shower that didn't involve kicking bathtub crayons and a pirate ship out of the way was glorious. Waking up and getting ready for the day while sipping coffee, listening to my ipod, not worrying about whether or not my daughter had peed through her PJ's was fantastic. Being allowed to focus solely on getting Tanya, the professional business women, accountant, Controller, ready for a conference was grand.

To a point.



Tanya the, professional business woman, accountant, Controller, is just a portion of my being and while that portion is content and quite pleased at being the focus of life Tanya, the Mom of two children and wife of a darling husband, whom she loves, is unhappy with the current state of things. Her heart is not happy, something is missing.

Clearly I can not be pleased. While surrounded by chaos I long quiet. When blessed with the gift of silence, chaos is what I long for.

So, tonight I will sit back and enjoy the silence I've been blessed with. I will enjoy a long, hot, bath listening not to children screaming but to Josh Groban serenade me via my Ipod. Tomorrow I will get myself ready while not having to worry about whether or not LJ's USC jersey was washed. Yes, I am deciding to truly enjoy the balance of my break. I will not apologize for this.

I also refuse to apologize for potentially waking up my 20 month old when I go into her room to see her or for covering my boys (big and little) with kisses when I get home from the airport tomorrow night.

Solitary Super Bowl

It's Super Bowl Sunday. In living rooms across America friends and families are gathering to watch the Steelers and Cardinals face off to determine the NFL champion. Squares have been picked, sides have been chosen now the game needs to be played. Super Bowl parties, along with the food and beverages that go with them, are a long standing tradition in many homes, ours is no exception. While we rarely host the blessed event we are confirmed, proud, loyal party attendees. For years I've enjoyed all the pomp and circumstance (and beer and snacks) that goes into the Super Bowl. Regardless who's actually playing in the game it's a must watch event for me, for our family. Each year we've happily packed ourselves, and our caloric contributions, into our cars and headed to my brother in law's house. This year is different.Yes, while the Super Bowl does, indeed, continue to be must see TV for me I will not be participating in this year's festivities. No, J-Mo and I will be staying home while DH and LJ head off to join in the fun. It simply became clear that 18 month old girls and Super Bowl parties hosted at bachelor brother in law's homes do not mix. The novelty of an inebriated friend tossing his bottle cap onto the floor instead of into the trash can seemed to disappear once I birthed a girl who has yet to meet an object unfit to be placed into her mouth. Additionally the books, DVDs, video games and pictures so lovingly placed on the beautiful bookshelves are far too great a temptation for our dear daughter to resist. This is why J-MO and I will be staying home and watching the game, in all it's glory, from the safety of our well baby proofed and baby girl toy stocked home. Part of me is a bit disappointed to be missing the craziness that is a Super Bowl party. The sounds, the smells, the electricity and energy. The other party of me is perfectly content to be sitting in my own living room in a tank top and capris with my hair still wet from the shower and my face free from makeup. No pressure to be pulled all together just for J-Mo, myself and Bob Costas. Yes, this year's Super Bowl celebration will be different. It will be more tame. I have a personal pizza to pop into the oven for half time and a couple of beers with my name on them. Hey, even a Super Party for one and a half is to include some caloric indulgences. In living rooms across America friends and families are gathering to watch the Steelers and Cardinals face off to determine the NFL champion. In our home it's just my daughter and I. It's different but it may be the start of a new tradition.

Tales of a Black Friday VIP (Guest)

The alarm clock, aka DH, woke me up at 1:30 am after what amounted to about 3 ½ hours sleep. I grumbled about the insane hour for a few minutes and then crawled out of bed and into a hot shower. The shower did wonders to truly wake me up. Around 2:30 brother in law and friend made their way to our place and we all just sat around waiting for the Limo to arrive. I will tell you that watching Dirty Jobs at 2:30 in the morning is a hoot, especially when you get the “pleasure” of watching Mike Rowe pop a zit that remains on the hide of some poor animal who gave its life to keep a tannery in business.

Before anyone came to the door to announce its arrival we could hear the engine of our ride approaching. Still hours before dawn we climbed into the limo promptly at 3:00. We were greeted by a peppy Event Staffer who congratulated DH and welcomed us into the massive limo that clearly could have held 5 times as many people as it was asked to transport this morning. Soon we were off. Peppy Event Staffer jumped right into her “To Do” list and grabbed some footage of us in the limo and asked DH a few questions. We all promised her excitement and enthusiasm would soon erupt it was, after all, only 3:00 in the morning. She also handed us our Best Buy Black Friday VIP passes. DH’s sported the winner title. The rest of us were winner’s guests. We also were handed a bunch of Best Buy gear we were encouraged to wear. Blue and yellow scarves, Best Buy ear warmers, hats and the cream of the crop a Best Buy sweatshirt for DH. Size Large. Clearly they should have questioned the winner about their shirt size. A large? Laughable. The sweatshirt spent the morning by itself in the limo. The trip to Atwater Village was a quick one. The limo pulled right in front of the store opposite the swarm of dedicated Black Friday shoppers that clearly numbered a few hundred people. We were told we’d be let out into a special VIP tail gating area.

Peppy Event staffer got out first positioning herself to get footage of the crew exiting the limo. We gave a couple hoots and hollers and DH exited first and we all followed. We were target of a bit of heckling from the crowd but they quickly lost interest in us, I’m sure they were thrilled that their four day camping excursion was nearly over. We were immediately ushered to the VIP “tail gaiting” area. You could almost hear crickets. Or laughter. The concept, in theory, was a good one. The execution was a bit mishandled. Four Best Buy camping style chairs placed around a blue Best Buy blanket. The “VIP Breakfast” was a bag of a handful of caffeinated beverages some Chex Mix and some muffins, the ones that come in a bag (Think 7-Eleven). We all hesitated a bit because the sturdiness of those camping chairs is always suspect, at best, and none of us wanted to bet that person, the one who fell on their tail in front of the line of anxious, angry, exhausted shoppers just waiting to make fun us.

Aside from the underwhelming VIP Breakfast Treatment we were taken care of quite well. Countless event staffers and Best Buy employees came to congratulate DH and give him kudos for writing a great poem. We all just stood around attempting to keep warm and marveling at the fact that the couple in the front of the line had been there since Monday. Crazy. As time passed more and more “cutters” arrived. Those people who arrived at 3:30-4:00 hoping to just by pass the line of sad folks who’d lost days of their lives in an attempt to save some cash. From our end Best Buy did a great job of cutting them off. Our limo combined with a line of shopping carts blocked access to the store’s doors, still they hovered. We all took in some of the VIP caffeinated beverages and just got a bit antsy. I was allowed to go in and use the store restroom. It was quite odd to walk through the store that was completely void of any customers. There was, however, a small army of blue shirts putting the final touches on things.

Around 4:10 the store manager came over and commented we could go in early if we wanted. “Sure”. He then said we could go in right away. “Great”. We were ushered in, under the watchful eye (and camera) of peppy Event Staffer. We were introduced to Joyce our personal shopper. The door busters we’d requested were already waiting for us at the front of the store so the main items we needed to retrieve were the two TVs and two Sony Receivers (surround sound bars). We quickly found the TV my Dad wanted us to purchase and then found our TV, it was one of only two we saw of that model. Two blue shirts happily moved them to the front of the store for us so we wouldn’t have bother pushing them around. Peppy Event Staffer followed us around, pushing our cart of small items, telling us to enjoy the VIP treatment. It took some time to find the speaker systems but we did and that basically finished up our shopping experience. The friend that tagged along was still roaming filling his own cart so we just kind of hung out. It was fun to hear the manager call all associates up front and get them pumped up for the day. We stood alone in the middle of the store watching all the blue shirts scream and jump and get excited for the hell they were about to experience.

Friend finished shopping and we made our way to the front of the store to check out. Just then they started letting in the first 50 people. It was before five so no one (other than ourselves) could check out but it was nice that they allowed the nuts who’d camped out for days get their hands on their merchandise before forcing them to fight with the masses. As we checked out it became clear the crowd outside had gotten a bit rowdy. There was a police presence that wasn’t there before. There was also a handful of news vans and cameras all over the place. Poor DH had two cameras and reporters in his face as he attempted to count out the cash we owed beyond our $1,000 gift card. I had to double check the cash count. Oddly the cash he grabbed was exactly forty nine cents short of what we needed. I could cover that. J Once our stuff was paid for some reps from Best Buy and the Event Staff Company took our newly purchased electronics out to the limo. We waited for brother in law and buddy to check out and then headed for the door.

The scene inside the limo was laughable. The once spacious vehicle was now crammed full of electronics. I basically had to sit sideways on the bench next to my Dad’s new 40” LCD Flat Screen. As passengers we were occupying a very small portion of the space- the boxes clearly filled it all up. Good thing they opted for the stretch Hummer limo. We wouldn’t have gotten our gear home in any other vehicle. We thanked those who helped us. Gave one big “Thank you Best Buy” for the peppy Event Staffer still wielding the camera and we were off, quite happy to no longer be on show. The caffeinated beverages we’d ingested earlier were wreaking havoc on our otherwise empty bellies so DH and I dug into the gourmet, VIP, breakfast that remained in the bag. He feasted on the bag of mini muffins and I took in some chex mix. We talked over the experience on the way home. The quick drive back down the freeway was just enough to kill any energy I had left. I was tired! We were back at our place by five. Once again the huge limo pulled in front of our house. We unloaded our gear and then the guys helped DH moved our old TV out to the garage. I went to lay down for a few minutes while DH played with his new toys. I must say the TV looks good in our front room!

All in all it was a great VIP experience! DH was treated well, as were we, his guests. I can definitely say we’re unlikely to ever have another Black Friday experience like this ever again.

Overachievers Need Not Gloat

Having committed the cardinal sin of motherhood, running out of milk, I headed off to the local 7-11 to severely over pay for liquid calcium simply to avoid the long, Thanksgiving Eve, lines at the grocery store. On my way home I found myself completely irritated by the rash of homes already brightly lit with Christmas lights. Personally, I adore the holiday season and fully recognize that we’ve all been subjected to all things Christmas in retail stores since before Halloween but this, the individual homeowner’s attempt to show others up, bothered me.

I get it. They are better than I am. They are organized and had, apparently, a great deal of free time in the last few weeks. Clearly they didn’t have Pee Wee soccer parties, work commitments, birthday parties or funerals to contend with. No, they, the “first on my block to flip the switch” family, had plenty of time to beautifully wrap each tree on their lot and precisely place each strand along their roof line. It’s irritating, really, what am I doing wrong?

At some point this holiday season our house too will be adorned with lights. They won’t be precisely hung, rather hung rapidly in an attempt to complete the task. Our trees will not be as beautifully wrapped as those I saw tonight- we’ll keep working until the kids have a complete meltdown. Extra lawn and garden decorations will not be theme coordinated, instead, we’ll allow our kids determine what of all the stuff we’ve amassed they prefer to put out this year. Yes, our house will be decorated but it will likely be mid December before that occurs and it will not be work worthy of being nominated into the Christmas Lights Hall of Fame.

I’m not taking anything from those who choose to be the first on their block to flip the switch. It’s a great accomplishment; I just wish they’d wait another couple days, say, until after Thanksgiving, to remind the rest of us how completely inadequate we are

The Cleanliness Gene, it Skipped a Generation

I’m embarrassed to admit it but to anyone who knows me this isn’t, truly, much of an admission as it is widely known… I hate cleaning. Just to be clear I’m not speaking of personal hygiene, no, that I enjoy doing and proudly admit I shower each day, am fully grossed out if my hair isn’t washed every twenty four hours and can’t wait to brush my teeth when I pop out of bed in the morning. What I speak of is cleaning my house. It’s a good thing I am not a 1950’s housewife as I would certainly have met a tragic demise enabling my hardworking husband to replace me with a more diligent, meticulous, housewife.

My Grandmother is an impeccable housekeeper. I’m quite sure her house could pass a white glove test any day of the week. Until recently she was sure to vacuum every room in her house- everyday. I’ve never seen her sink full of dishes and her furniture is seemingly unable to attract dust. Yes, she dutifully attends to each surface in her home; it’s clearly a source of pride for her. My mother is the same way. She doesn’t share quite the same over the top, obsessive compulsive, cleaning style as my Grandmother but that is only to say that upon entering my parent’s home you may, on occasion, see dishes drying in a rack or a stack of mail that has yet to be dealt with. Yes my Mother’s home was always well kept. As children we were required to help vacuum, do dishes, dust and clean the bathrooms. More than once we joked with her that the reason she had four kids was to help with the cleaning.

What happened to me? I curse genetics and the fact that I was so callously passed over by the cleaning gene. Day after day I ignore the smudges on the sliding glass doors that run the length of our family room and the hard water stains that plague our shower enclosure. It simply doesn’t elicit an emotional, “need to act”, response in me. Dishes are kept piling up until there is a need for clean forks and even then I recruit my five year old to help me load the dishwasher. The cleaning task I’m most dedicated to is sweeping the hardwood floor. This I must do at least every other day but that’s mainly because I despise smashed Cheerio remnants sticking to my feet. Yes, fact is, cleaning is about 1,000th on my “To Do” list, maybe even farther down on the list than that.

I definitely subscribe to the C.I.S.E. school of cleaning. That is- Company Is Soon Expected. Yes, when DH and I expect to have people over we are good about cleaning. Dusting, sliding glass doors, mirrors, the works. Toilets even get special attention. The kitchen counters are cleared off, dishes washed and actually put away. Come party time our place is down right tidy, just don’t look in the closets or in our bedroom, our usual places for hiding clutter we don’t’ have time to adequately deal with. I will admit I enjoy having every surface clean and it makes me happy to stand back and look at the gloriousness that is a clean house but I can’t seem to get myself to want to do that every day, every week.

Yes, it’s true; the cleaning gene skipped my generation. For the sake of my children I hope they are blessed with this gene that so sadly bypassed me. So far, so good, on that front tonight LJ was the one who suggested we unload and reload the dishwasher. Even the 16th month old brought me some trash that had been sitting on my bed side table since last night so she too may be on the way to being able to keep a clean house one day. For me? I fear I’m a lost cause. Guests are always welcome at our place. Unannounced ones will be greeted with hugs and half hearted apologies for the state of the house. Expected guests will be given the same hugs as well as my smug satisfaction that, once again, I may have fooled them into thinking I’m a decent housekeeper.

Want to win a printer? I do!

My regular blog browsing allowed me to stumble on a giveaway that's taking place here:

http://www.svmoms.com/2008/11/epson-artisan-8.html

The "rules" are simple. Post your name and email in a comment on their blog. The winner, as determined by a random drawing, will be notified on Black Friday. While the contest is hosted by a "Mom's Blog" it's not limited to those of us blessed enough to have had our nether regions stretched beyond recognition by an adorable bundle of joy.

The EPSON Aritisan 800 printer would be a wonderful early Christmas present. Feel free to enter. Or not. If you don't that only increases the chance that I will be named the winner.

The Anatomy of getting a new HD TV

DH: “Honey, if I combined all the money from your parents, my parents,your siblings, my siblings, your present to me and my present to you we could get a new flat screen HD TV for Christmas”

ME: “So part of MY Christmas gift would be that YOU get the TV YOU want?”

DH: “You know you’ll use it too, it’s in the living room, you’ll love it”

Fast forward one week

DH: “Honey, Best Buy is having a contest. You should write a 250 word essay on your favorite Black Friday Experience. You can win a bunch of stuff, including a $1,000 gift card”

ME: “Sure, Honey”

Fast forward one week

DH: “Honey, I sent in my essay to Best Buy. In less than a week they’ll be calling me to tell me I won”

ME: “Sure, Honey. Wouldn’t that be something?”

Fast forward four days

DH: “I freaking won!”

ME: “WHAT? I’m on the blue-tooth. I can’t hear you. WHAT?”

DH: “I FREAKIN WON! Best Buy called me and emailed me. I have to get all the paperwork signed and back to them but I WON!”

ME: “SHUT UP!”

DH: “I FREAKIN’ WON!”

ME: “You best not be kidding about this. I’m so proud of you! Oh my gosh! Are you serious? Really?”

DH: “I’m serious. I wouldn’t kid about this. I’m totally shaking!”

*******************************************************************
No, really. DH won Best Buy’s Black Friday VIP Contest for the LA Market. Really. My DH, a winner! We’re just a happy little suburban family, things like this don’t happen to us. Direct from the Best Buy website Jim will receive:

http://askablueshirt.net/blackfridayvip/

Prizes: Twenty-five (25) Grand Prizes (One (1) per Participating Store) – A Black Friday Store Event, consisting of: limousine transportation to/from the participating Best Buy store/winner’s designated location on November 28, 2008 for winner and three (3) guests, a Flip Video Mini Camcorder to videotape the Grand Prize winning experience, a $1,000.00 Best Buy Gift Card, and up to four doorbuster tickets (one per winner and each guest, no more than one ticket per doorbuster). Approximate Retail Value: $2,000.00/each. .


Now the accountant in me realizes that this much celebrated victory does not come free. Sometime in late January, long after the Christmas cards have stopped rolling in, we’ll receive a 1099 from Best Buy for the retail value of the contest winnings. That said we’re still thrilled! What a fun experience! Clearly DH is beside himself. I’m a proud, excited, supportive wife. DH is currently on his laptop reviewing floor plans of Best Buys to determine the best route to take in the half hour that we have in the store before the crazies who have been waiting in line for days join us. Okay, he’s not, but he is actively trying to figure out the way to maximize our buying power.

DH has been coveting a flat screen HD TV for a while now. Don’t all men? He’s been doing research on what accessories are required, those that are not and where to get said accessories for the best price. Want to know what came in the mail today? HD TV cables purchased online in a wonderful attempt to save money.

Clearly the universe believes my DH deserving of a new TV.

I tend to agree.