On My Own

Shhhh.

Listen.

Do you hear that?



Me neither. It's oddly quiet. I hear only the hum of my lap top and the gurgling of the hotel coffee maker. I'm alone, on my own, in a hotel room in Arizona.



I'm currently on day four of a five day trip that I'm taking by myself. Yes, DH and the kids are at home. I'm not entirely sure who the boss is back at the homestead but I can confidently note that it's not me. I'm hundreds of miles away in an entirely different state. I have no influence on the nutritional value of the 5 year old's lunch or whether or not the nearly 2 yr old girl consumes a two week old Cheerio that she finds under the couch.



It's pure heaven!
Or is it?



When at home and in the midst of battles over all things parenting I find myself longing for some time away, for a break. Yes, while in the trenches the very thought of spending some time alone in a hotel room seems like only a dream. Now that I'm experiencing it I find myself longing for chaos.



Don't get me wrong, climbing into a perfectly appointed bed without worrying about the potential for DH's snoring was wonderful. Taking a long, hot, uninterrupted shower that didn't involve kicking bathtub crayons and a pirate ship out of the way was glorious. Waking up and getting ready for the day while sipping coffee, listening to my ipod, not worrying about whether or not my daughter had peed through her PJ's was fantastic. Being allowed to focus solely on getting Tanya, the professional business women, accountant, Controller, ready for a conference was grand.

To a point.



Tanya the, professional business woman, accountant, Controller, is just a portion of my being and while that portion is content and quite pleased at being the focus of life Tanya, the Mom of two children and wife of a darling husband, whom she loves, is unhappy with the current state of things. Her heart is not happy, something is missing.

Clearly I can not be pleased. While surrounded by chaos I long quiet. When blessed with the gift of silence, chaos is what I long for.

So, tonight I will sit back and enjoy the silence I've been blessed with. I will enjoy a long, hot, bath listening not to children screaming but to Josh Groban serenade me via my Ipod. Tomorrow I will get myself ready while not having to worry about whether or not LJ's USC jersey was washed. Yes, I am deciding to truly enjoy the balance of my break. I will not apologize for this.

I also refuse to apologize for potentially waking up my 20 month old when I go into her room to see her or for covering my boys (big and little) with kisses when I get home from the airport tomorrow night.

Solitary Super Bowl

It's Super Bowl Sunday. In living rooms across America friends and families are gathering to watch the Steelers and Cardinals face off to determine the NFL champion. Squares have been picked, sides have been chosen now the game needs to be played. Super Bowl parties, along with the food and beverages that go with them, are a long standing tradition in many homes, ours is no exception. While we rarely host the blessed event we are confirmed, proud, loyal party attendees. For years I've enjoyed all the pomp and circumstance (and beer and snacks) that goes into the Super Bowl. Regardless who's actually playing in the game it's a must watch event for me, for our family. Each year we've happily packed ourselves, and our caloric contributions, into our cars and headed to my brother in law's house. This year is different.Yes, while the Super Bowl does, indeed, continue to be must see TV for me I will not be participating in this year's festivities. No, J-Mo and I will be staying home while DH and LJ head off to join in the fun. It simply became clear that 18 month old girls and Super Bowl parties hosted at bachelor brother in law's homes do not mix. The novelty of an inebriated friend tossing his bottle cap onto the floor instead of into the trash can seemed to disappear once I birthed a girl who has yet to meet an object unfit to be placed into her mouth. Additionally the books, DVDs, video games and pictures so lovingly placed on the beautiful bookshelves are far too great a temptation for our dear daughter to resist. This is why J-MO and I will be staying home and watching the game, in all it's glory, from the safety of our well baby proofed and baby girl toy stocked home. Part of me is a bit disappointed to be missing the craziness that is a Super Bowl party. The sounds, the smells, the electricity and energy. The other party of me is perfectly content to be sitting in my own living room in a tank top and capris with my hair still wet from the shower and my face free from makeup. No pressure to be pulled all together just for J-Mo, myself and Bob Costas. Yes, this year's Super Bowl celebration will be different. It will be more tame. I have a personal pizza to pop into the oven for half time and a couple of beers with my name on them. Hey, even a Super Party for one and a half is to include some caloric indulgences. In living rooms across America friends and families are gathering to watch the Steelers and Cardinals face off to determine the NFL champion. In our home it's just my daughter and I. It's different but it may be the start of a new tradition.